Tonight as I was driving home from the Martin’s house, I felt an irresistible need to pull over and look up at the stars. Living in Atlanta has made me seriously miss the mountain life- clean air, beautiful greenery, hills on the skyline, and a sky clear enough to reveal a blanket of thousands of little white dots above me.
The stars movingly reminded of how little I am, but more importantly of how big God is. All of the little things that pull me up and down and up and down every day, all of the sin and temptation that I constantly battle and become so uncontrollably upset and frustrated with, all of my loss, all of my gain, all of my pride, all of my worry, all of my confusion, all of my regret... is... futile. It barely covers the smallest speck in God’s hand.
[Romans 8:20-21]
For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.
God really doesn’t need me for anything. All of the things I choose to fight or give up in His Name (which I’ve done a lot of and struggled plenty with lately) aren’t for HIS GOOD. They’re for HIS GLORY. It seems like I’ve come to this conclusion before, but never so wholly. It’s not like God needs the things I’m giving Him for Himself, whether sacrifice or the pursuit of Him in my life. I cannot boast in seeking His face because God is YAHWEH. He is self-sufficient and I can neither add to nor take form anything Him. He needs my life to further His kingdom on the earth, not to add worth to Who He is. He’s already complete.
[Psalm 50:12]
If I were hungry I would not tell you,
for the world is mine, and all that is in it.
for the world is mine, and all that is in it.
What’s even more powerful is that He gives me the grace to carry out His will here. I always get so wrapped up in my own little world and all my problems that I tend to forget how eternal and infinite He is. Sometimes I spiral downward into a pit of self-hatred caused by being completely disgusted by my own sinfulness. How can I wrong a God that is so good? That I know and trust truly IS everything? How can I deny that every single day? But I’m drowning in grace. Completely drowning. It feels as if I can’t breathe only because I’m trying to inhale the wrong things. It’s not so much about how sinful I am, but more about how GOOD God is.
[Hebrews 4:16]
Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
I have been placed here not the be served, but to serve. Disappointment comes from separating my will from God’s, and not solely from God’s decision to take things from me. I thank God for humbling me in a way that teaches me. The stars are millions in number but each serve a purpose, and tonight they fulfilled the purpose of bringing me closer to Him- quietly, softly, lovingly.
[Mark 10:45]
For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.
And as I stopped on the side of the road to pray and to gaze, this song came on:
“Set a fire down in my soul, that I can’t contain, that I can’t control. I want more of You, God. I want more of You, God. No place I’d rather be than here in Your love, here in Your love.”
Set a Fire by United Pursuit
There is no star that I would rather be on nor any life I’d rather live, because this is the one God created just for me. And He will unfailingly and faithfully reign in righteousness and glory forever.
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