Wednesday, November 30, 2011

when the levee breaks

I never write poems... ever. Poetry bores me. But my English class is doing a reading Monday, and I thought it would be an opportunity to talk about God. My professor said most poets start with an idea for the first line and don't know where they're going from there. That's what happened here. For some reason I thought of a drop of water. And here is goes...






It was just a trickle. A drop.
A small sacrifice compared 
to what was being held back.

The man who takes false ownership 
of the water bowing the dam,
fruitlessly trying to control it 
with his concrete, human hands, 
never wants to stop pushing. He thinks 
searching and scrambling and running 
to “save” it all is his job. Selfish doubt blurs 
the fact that it’s not. 

Instead, his earthly portion 
is meant to wash away with 
the water when the Operator 
commands the dam to break. 
A flood is not the man’s to prevent, 
but to allow in good faith. Designed 
to be surrendered, his abilities and 
desires aren’t strong enough 
to stand the rush of millions 
of gallons of water alone.
Whose could be?
So, the wall holder cannot help 
but obey the Operator- 
he ultimately has no choice. 

The dam releases, 
and after being cast by the waves for a while, 
he sees that the floodgates are built of gold 
and left wide open. And over time, 
once the water has all flowed by, 
they serve as an entryway into 
another world- a world comprised 
of new, beautiful, everlasting springs
in which the man was created to swim 
in the first place.

His perfect job, in his place.
And the Operator smiles.
He never wanted to drown 
His faithful worker. 
When it rains, it pours.



Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not drop their fruit before it is ripe,” says the LORD Almighty. “Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land,” says the LORD Almighty. 
Malachi 3:10-12

But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.
Philippians 3:7-9

Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children.
Revelation 21:1-7

Thursday, November 24, 2011

My thankful list

GRACE:
With me. My futility. My sin. My lust. My doubt. My weakness. My impatience. My unfaithfulness. My comparison. My discontent. How He lets me have it on others. His unconditional love tied to it. For His glory.

THE SPIRIT: 
Its inexplicable presence. The joy it brings in the worst times. Living in me to pull me to Him. For His glory.

THE WORD: 
Its wisdom. Its truth. Its power. Its width. Its constance. For His glory.

MY FRIENDS: 
Constant inspiration. Accountability partners. Soundboards. Encouragers. Lovers. Challengers. Teachers. Learners. Listeners. God followers and seekers. Prayers. For His glory.

MY FAMILY: 
They love me so much, even when I really don’t deserve it. They forgive me. They provide for me. They test me. They set my standards high and push me. They know God. For His glory.

PRAYER: 
I can always talk to the God of the universe. I have an open door to not only ask of but listen to He Who knows, created, and loves all things with ultimate wisdom. For His glory.

HIS CHURCH: 
The thousands of them. Navs, my church. No, His church. Discipleship. A place to grow deeper, independently and supported. For His glory.

MY PAST: 
Where to begin? Grace displayed. Falling forced me to rise. Mistakes changed everything. God’s wrath celebrated His power, and His goodness revealed His unfailing love. Created my present and future and eternal reliance on Him. Gave me things to teach. For His glory.

MY PRESENT: 
Rejoicing in His presence. Always. Waiting for Heaven. Utilizing limbo, and learning that nothing is limbo. It’s all purposeful. Georgia Tech, my challenger. A sea of opportunities so many will never have. Non-believers to reach and believers to worship with. My starting point. Struggle. Breathing. Faith. Deliberate preparation and growth and change. Giving it all to Him, so slowly but so surely. For His glory.

MY FUTURE: 
He’s always faithful. Seeing the fruit of my sacrifice. Being humbled by knowing His is infinitely greater. Walking with Him. Learning from Him. Being used by Him. Following Him. Trusting Him. For His glory.

HIS PLAN (HOPE): 
Never shaken. Perfect. Caring. Impossible to change. Is the most awesome. Better than mine. Most glorifying to Him. For His glory.

RELATIONSHIP: 
With Him. I can know the Most Holy One. And He knows me. I am His daughter. He is my Father and loves me like it. Patient. Guiding. Loving. Providing. Protecting. Personal. So intimate that He knows every fiber of my being. Both the number of hairs on my head and stars in the sky. Power and gentleness. Thought before I think it, dream, sin, temptation. All-perfect. All-healing. All-knowing. Around, through, in, and over me. Everywhere and everything I am is from and of Him. For His glory.

HIS TEMPLE: 
Health and a desire to keep it. I am a temple of His Spirit. Unharmed by disease or sickness or death. I am alive. He chose me to live. For His glory.

THE WORLD & HIS PEOPLE: 
Beauty. All beauty. Trees, leaves, grass, mountains, waters, beaches, plains, valleys. Animals. Humans. Civilizations, generations, populations, peoples. Leaders and followers. Perfect design. All created to work seamlessly together. Brilliant. For His glory.

BALANCE: 
Seeing good in bad. Appreciating life from death. Seeking peace through confusion. A future better than the past. Seeing Him in it all. For His glory.

HEAVEN: 
Hope. God. Eternity. My greatest desire to serve Him forever, in His presence, bowed before Him in worship and surrender. Nothing held back. The way things should be. Until after the end of time. For His glory.

The fact that none of this is actually mine, but His.
For His glory.

Friday, November 18, 2011

"You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name"

Tonight as I was driving home from the Martin’s house, I felt an irresistible need to pull over and look up at the stars. Living in Atlanta has made me seriously miss the mountain life- clean air, beautiful greenery, hills on the skyline, and a sky clear enough to reveal a blanket of thousands of little white dots above me.

The stars movingly reminded of how little I am, but more importantly of how big God is. All of the little things that pull me up and down and up and down every day, all of the sin and temptation that I constantly battle and become so uncontrollably upset and frustrated with, all of my loss, all of my gain, all of my pride, all of my worry, all of my confusion, all of my regret... is... futile. It barely covers the smallest speck in God’s hand. 

[Romans 8:20-21]
For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.

God really doesn’t need me for anything. All of the things I choose to fight or give up in His Name (which I’ve done a lot of and struggled plenty with lately) aren’t for HIS GOOD. They’re for HIS GLORY. It seems like I’ve come to this conclusion before, but never so wholly. It’s not like God needs the things I’m giving Him for Himself, whether sacrifice or the pursuit of Him in my life. I cannot boast in seeking His face because God is YAHWEH. He is self-sufficient and I can neither add to nor take form anything Him. He needs my life to further His kingdom on the earth, not to add worth to Who He is. He’s already complete.

[Psalm 50:12]
If I were hungry I would not tell you,
   for the world is mine, and all that is in it.

What’s even more powerful is that He gives me the grace to carry out His will here. I always get so wrapped up in my own little world and all my problems that I tend to forget how eternal and infinite He is. Sometimes I spiral downward into a pit of self-hatred caused by being completely disgusted by my own sinfulness. How can I wrong a God that is so good? That I know and trust truly IS everything? How can I deny that every single day? But I’m drowning in grace. Completely drowning. It feels as if I can’t breathe only because I’m trying to inhale the wrong things. It’s not so much about how sinful I am, but more about how GOOD God is.

[Hebrews 4:16]
Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

I have been placed here not the be served, but to serve. Disappointment comes from separating my will from God’s, and not solely from God’s decision to take things from me. I thank God for humbling me in a way that teaches me. The stars are millions in number but each serve a purpose, and tonight they fulfilled the purpose of bringing me closer to Him- quietly, softly, lovingly. 

[Mark 10:45]
For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.

And as I stopped on the side of the road to pray and to gaze, this song came on: 

“Set a fire down in my soul, that I can’t contain, that I can’t control. I want more of You, God. I want more of You, God. No place I’d rather be than here in Your love, here in Your love.”
Set a Fire by United Pursuit

There is no star that I would rather be on nor any life I’d rather live, because this is the one God created just for me. And He will unfailingly and faithfully reign in righteousness and glory forever.