unmerited grace

Daily I find myself speaking sweetly to and having patience with people who don’t deserve it from me a bit. I am torn down, judged, taken advantage of, cheated, and unreasonably yelled at all the time. I witness arguments between people I love and don’t join in to voice my sometimes harsh opinion. I see those same people say stupid things to each other and make ridiculous decisions, and I step back as I realize it isn’t my place to fix them, but God’s. Not to mention there’s a reason I’m taking a year off of dating. Hurting sucks. Sometimes I think I can feel satan riding on my shoulders and on my sense of self-worth. There are days where I feel attacked from every angle, and after facing an oppressor with grace I often quietly cry. Right after I get past a stressful moment with them my jaw drops at how I managed to keep my cool. 

But I can't accredit myself with that ability at all. I know what God’s presence feels like and I’ve never so uncontrollably felt Him speaking for me as I do in every situation I’ve let Him into that needs grace (well, every situation needs grace). It’s like His words are coming out of my mouth. He speaks with love and kindness. The humility with which He confronts every moment is unbelievable and only achievable if He is doing it for you. I’ve come to the realization that God will give you peace in your anger if you are willing to stifle your pride enough to let it blanket your frustrations, but more than anything else lately, I’ve learned that you can only truly have grace on other people when you realize how much grace God has with you. I’ve been reading the Sermon on the Mount, and Jesus says this at one point-- they are known as the Beatitudes:

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
   for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
   for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
   for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
   for they will be filled. 
Blessed are the merciful,
   for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
   for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
   for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
   for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”

Matthew 5:3-12

I’ve messed up... a lot. I’ve covered some of this in a post before, but let me reassure you that I’ve sinned in almost any department you can think of. I still struggle with the shame of some of it so much that not one of my friends knows about it. Past sin is not something easy for me to talk about. But the beautiful thing is that Christ forgave me. God forgave me. My all-deserving and incredible Creator Who also made all the Heavens and all the earth and is entitled to nothing short of all I have-- all the universe has-- loves me no less than He did the day He thought to make me. He holds no list against me, keeps no record of my wrongs, and has given me the opportunity to be free from every piece of guilt that moments of falling to temptation have burned into my heart. Christ took the black tar of my sin onto Himself so that I may be clean enough to know God, and:

“...as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our sins from us.” Psalm 103:12

I know that I need that grace, and I know that I could not live without it. That’s exactly why I have grace with other people, why God supplies me with one hundred percent of it, and why He has given me so much reason lately to use it as a giant shield-- because He is a God of GRACE. Of undeserving forgiveness. Of trusting patience. Of bite-your-tongue humility. If we want to be like Jesus, which is what He calls us to be, we have to: 

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13

So I will continue to accept feeling run over, find strength in it, see God’s glory in it, and know that God has planned a life for every person that makes me feel that way with the same love that He has for me. There is a time to stand up for yourself with an attitude of genuine concern and love for your persecutor, but I also believe that God calls us to find our satisfaction and joy in Him, not in earthy approval or earthly peace. We have been instructed by God to be His shining lights to the world, and a Godly lamp does not give off a hot-tempered glow that reflects its own terribly wrong feelings that it deserves anything at all, including grace, kindness, or fairness.


“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.‘ But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.” Matthew 5:38-42