I can't wait to eat fried chicken.

I think it’s appropriate to write a blog post as I watch my roommate Charlotte use a champagne glass as a measuring cup for making brownies while we both sing to Zac Brown and Lady A. And this was after gathering a dozen of our group’s empty beer bottles from last night’s craziness to go turn them in and get free apple juice for recycling. Weimar has been awesome. Oh, and last night I wrote computer code to manipulate a picture.

I think my favorite favorite part is living with 24 other people in the same house. The bed and breakfast is awesome! It’s a huge, old house that we have all to ourselves. After the first week, Charlotte and I got to move into a bigger room and now we don’t have to share a shower with 6 other people, and our room is pink. It’s kind of a little haven for me, because I can shut the door and there’s a huge window that makes it a great room for reading and just having the alone time I require every day. We even have a little kitchen and mini fridge in our hallway. Unfortunately though, I think some people are starting to get tired of each other. It’s to be expected when we all spend almost every second of every day together. Not to mention the noise... but it’s all good. I’m personally learning a lot about how to put other people before myself, especially in conversation. People let pride slip into conversation far more than they realize, myself included. There’s a part of everyone that wants to be the center of attention and to be applauded. But that’s not the job of a Christian, period. Christians’ lives are also supposed to look drastically different than the lives of those who don’t love Jesus, and it’s difficult to figure out how to not be polluted by the world, but not make the world feel judged. There is so much brokenness here. I’ve heard some of my group’s opinions on God and it breaks my heart. But I don’t know how to tell them about Who He really is without being afraid of messing it up- most people who aren’t in the church have been hurt by it. I’ve come to the conclusion that my best ministry here is going to be showing people Christ, not just talking about Him. Charlotte and I have been talking about this a lot, and I’ve been so blessed to have her and a couple of believers here.

I’ve decided that 1 Peter 4 is my anthem for this trip:

Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because whoever suffers in the body is done with sin. As a result, they do not live the rest of their earthly lives for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry. They are surprised that you do not join them in their reckless, wild living, and they heap abuse on you. But they will have to give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead. For this is the reason the gospel was preached even to those who are now dead, so that they might be judged according to human standards in regard to the body, but live according to God in regard to the spirit.

The end of all things is near. Therefore be alert and of sober mind so that you may pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. For it is time for judgment to begin with God’s household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And,

“If it is hard for the righteous to be saved,
    what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?”

So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.

As for what we have been doing.. where to begin?!

Where I get to go on runs. There's a huge, beautiful park across the street from our house.

The Bauhaus University where we have class.

Hedwig-Pfeiffer Haus where we live.

Day trip to Naumburg! Naumburg Cathedral and fancy schmancy wine tasting at Bad Soulza.

Day trip to Erfurt and St. Mary's Cathedral.

Day trip to Eisenach- Schloss Wartburg (castle), Bach's house, and car museum. Martin Luthor translated the New Testament in this castle, and the picture of the desk is where he sat.

Day trip to Leipzig- visit to the American Consulate, a DDR/ Berlin Wall museum, and a classical music concert.

 (Real DDR surveillance- this stuff was really creepy)

Going to Prague next weekend! I'll post again after that!

The clay & the Potter

(I wrote this June 5.)

Right now I’m sitting on a five hour train ride headed to Weimar. And I can say with confidence that it is much harder to pee on a train than on a plane. But seriously, I feel like I’m in Harry Potter. Everything outside the windows is hilly with tons of trees and small towns and windmills and... castles. You know, no big deal. It’s even kind of cloudy like in the Harry Potter movies, and occasionally we go through long tunnels under mountains/hills. So beautiful. I’m pretty sure almost everyone is asleep... Dr. Cothran has a way of making sure we are always busy! That’s why I haven’t posted in a while. Sorry to my family. :/ Between classwork (two tests, two projects, six journals, reading a book, and daily workbook homework all in two weeks) and all of our tours and outings, it’s easy for time to fly by. I’m facing backwards from the direction we are going on the train, so I can see everything fade away in all the giant windows as we pass it. It actually kind of makes me think of how I don’t want to look at this trip. I keep wishing for time to go faster- I want to see my friends and family and eat Mexican food. But I can’t let the summer slip away. I’ve praised God for the blessing of comfort in being here that He has given me (as I asked last week) and don’t need to let go of it. God does not just provide a way through or a way out, but He is with me the whole time, holding the roof above my head, asking me to work while He does so that it’s not a waste. He doesn’t save us in order for us to just sit there. I think trials are better conquered than just endured, and the way to get all out of this life that God wants us to is not just to find happiness in all of the adventures and fun and learning curves, but to smile at God and rejoice when He refines us to look more like Him, even if that often doesn’t seem joyous at all. But joy can only, ONLY be found in the presence of God, and I think He’s usually the closest when He’s got His hands on us, molding us like clay. Good thing He’s doing that to me every day. :)

Yet you, Lord, are our Father. 

    We are the clay, you are the potter; 

    we are all the work of your hand.

Isaiah 64:8

He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver. Then the Lord will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness...

Malachi 3:3

This is the day the Lord has made;

    Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Psalm 118:24

So for those of you wanting to know some prayer requests, I want God to fill me with His Holy Spirit so that I walk in the exact footsteps that would bring Him the most glory this summer. I hope He opens doors for me to reflect Him, that I see those doors, that I open them, and that my class sees more of Him and less of me.

Here’s what I’ve been doing this past week and a half!

Jazz festival saturday! Completely awesome. Amazing live music.

Me, Charlotte, and CT went to Dr. Cothran’s church last Sunday. It’s called the Neanderkirche and it’s in the Altstadt of Düsseldorf. It was Pentacost Sunday, which is a huge deal here. Monday is even a national holiday because of it. Afterwards we were served free beer as we walked out the door... haha. For a church holiday and the pastor’s birthday. Only in Germany.

We toured der Dom in Aachen (not the same as the one in Köln) on Monday. This church is Charlemagne central! Here’s a picture of his royal bust, which is an actual relic with his skull in it. There were several of those throughout the church. Also, these are the tallest stained glass windows in the world- 83 feet!

Wednesday I biked 5k, ran 2 miles alone the Rhine River, biked 5k back. Only in Deutschland can you see a city skyline, sheep and goats, and an old man running in white boxers all at once (he was intentionally left out of the photo).

Here’s my best attempt at a panorama and another photo of the media district of Düsseldorf. Super cool.

Saturday we went to Schloss Berg- a castle! The best part was getting there (as displayed by group Karate Kid photo). We definitely hiked a couple miles through the giant German trees, and took a ski lift up a mountain to get there. And the tour inside of the castle was awesome. I feel like I’m learning a ton of history on this trip.

Saturday night we went to the Japanischerfest. I got to watch Japanese men dance like frogs on a stage, and the world’s biggest fireworks show, all in one night!

Now we are finally in Weimar. I like it here. So much more to come. :)

When a quiet time turns into a post, this is what happens

Right now, I’m sitting in Starbucks in the Altstadt (old city) of Düsseldorf with Charlotte and CT. They’re my groupmates for our final project for the Düsseldorf class and Starbucks has the most reliable internet of... anywhere. This morning, we went to a German Protestant Pentacost church service. It reminded me of a Methodist church from back home, but I didn’t understand most of the sermon. It was still cool though, because our final project is over Pentacost, Easter, and Lent celebrations in Germany, and we have an interview with the pastor on Thursday. After church, they served eveyone beer and soup for Pentacost and the pastor’s birthday. I thought it was pretty hilarious that I walked out of church and one of the first things that happened was a guy came up to me with a tray and offered me an Altbier. And later tonight I’m going to the jazz festival! There’s surely many pictures to come of that- it’s a jazz festival and a celebration of Pentacost, which is a huge deal here.

And for the even more important things, the Lord has been teaching me a lot in a very short amount of time. I honestly don’t even know where to start! I’ll break it down by some huge verses that have been speaking to me the most. Maybe that’ll help me explain.

So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” Luke 11:9-13

I mentioned in my last post that I need more of the Holy Spirit. It is impossible for me to have a pure desire to read Scripture or pray or serve or have fellowship with my classmates or be content with where I am or do anything good without the Lord. James 1:16-18 says: “ Do not be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.” Man is not naturally good by any means. It is solely by the grace of Christ that anything good comes from us. And the above passage in Luke is JESUS BEGGING His children to ask! To pray! To seek! I mean how awesome is that? Jesus wants me to ask Him for the Holy Spirit. But why is the Holy Spirit and God’s presence what I should want?

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:17-18

Just look at that first sentence. It speaks to me every time I read it. There are so many things I feel trapped by- especially by Germany. I know that sounds crazy because you would think freedom is being away from home and on your own, but as I mentioned before, everything I love is in Georgia. This week, I’ve let my mind slip into the idea that my desire to feel filled again could be satisfied by this world- by going home. But this verse redifines freedom, just as Jesus did. Freedom is not being able to do whatever you want or be near what makes you comfortable and happy. Freedom is NOT about being able to do what you, a fickle human, thinks is best. No. Freedom is having the ability to follow Christ, because He is the only thing to ever exist outside of the chains of sin. All else is chained. As said by John Piper at the Passion Conference I went to this past year, freedom is being chained to He Who is unchainable.

So for me, the meaning of this trip has changed quite a bit. I’m still homesick, but as my mom always says, I have to be patient with myself. I know that Scripture says to trust God in all that you do, but I think a big part of that is to seek out His purpose. And even if I don’t know exactly what that is, I do know that His purpose is always to bring Him glory and shine His light. So I’m still begging for more of the Spirit, because as I said, I can’t do this on my own.

Just as word of encouragement to anyone reading this- God answers prayers. You just have to look for the answers sometimes. It’s like a little kid digging for hidden treasure, hoping that it even exists under the ground. But once he’s found it, he appreciates it that much more because of how much work he put into the digging, how much faith was built in him in the process, and how much he grew without even fully seeing it.

I guess I owe those of you back home a brief explanation of what exactly I’ve been doing in the past week. It has been brought to my attention that not all of you can see the gazillions of pictures I’ve been posting on Facebook.

A couple of days a week, we have long classes at the Heinrich-Heine Universität:

After class or for an entire day, we usually have some kind of group activity planned. Here’s some of those:

Tour of Villa Hügel, where the Krupp family (steel industry) originated-

Zollverein coal mine... this place was enormous-

And an incredible tour of the Mercedes-Benz plant. Imagine the most high tech robot factory ever and this was it-

K21 Art Museum-

A day in Koln... the best part was der Dome- the huge church. And we hiked those 533 steps on a teeny tiny ancient spiral staircase (thought I was gonna die for sure)! Not to mention the Lindt chocolate museum-

And some more random photos of Düsseldorf-

Tomorrow we venture to Aachen, another pretty big city in the area. We have our first test Wednesday and next weekend we go hiking and tour a castle! I may have had a rough adjustment to Germany, but this place is pretty awesome.

This will probably be my last post for a few days because I have a test and lots of work coming up, but as always, God is good, and there is grace. He is worthy of everything! :)

Consider it joy

Where to begin... the first day of class at the university was Monday. I’ll start there, because it was insane. I was supposed to take 3 different buses to get there, so I left about an hour and 45 minutes before I had to get there because I knew something would go wrong. I got the first bus and went to the stop where the next one was supposed to come. See, in Germany, several areas are called “something-platz,” which basically just defines the area based on a region of town. However, bus stops are named “something-platz 1,” “something-platz 2,” etc. I got off at 3 and needed to find 1. I eventually did (they’re not labeled on any maps) and waited for about 23 minutes. Buses are supposed to come every 20. Eventually a nice old lady walks by and tells me in German that buses don’t stop there anymore. Perfect. I figured I knew nothing better than to start walking to where I was supposed to make the next transfer, so I did. And yet more problems... The bus map doesn’t have street names, only stop names. So, I had no idea how to get to the next stop. I essentially got lost in an area where I was surrounded by graffiti, a gas station, and the interstate. I had no idea what to do or where to go for about 30 minutes. It was so awful. But then I heard a voice yelling nearby, and there was my host mom, in her car going to work, pulled over because she saw me. She gave me directions and drove me to the next stop (which I never would’ve been able to walk to). Incredible blessing. God was seriously looking out for me and I am so grateful and need to remember what happened and have more faith.

After class Monday was a walking city tour, and Tuesday we had class and toured the Mercedes-Benz plant. Holy cow, it was awesome. And huge. And it had so many robots and machines. Imagine the most high-tech and legit car factory ever, and that was it. Unfortunately I got one of my infamous migranes. Dr. Cothran noticed I didn’t look good, and she went and bought a Coke to surprise me with... it was my first Coke ever. But it did make me feel much better.

Today we took the train all the way to Essen to see the Villa Hugel, or the home of Krupp. It’s like the Biltmore House of Germany. I learned a lot and the scenery was beautiful, but there seems to be a common theme among our group that we all become ravenously hungry around 11am. Then we rode all the way to the Ruhr area, famous for industry, specifically coal mining. We toured the Zollverein coal mine and manufacturing facility. It reminded me a lot of my grandpa’s old welding shop, but the kinda creepy version. I’m not sure why.

Tomorrow is class and then a tour of an art museum. Hopefully I’m actually tired when I go to sleep tonight. Stupid jet lag. :( If anyone reading this wouldn’t mind, I’d really appreciate prayers for my homesickness. I am so blessed to have people and a place to miss, but I need to be more content with where God has me now. Also pray for solid fellowship among our group, and that I could see the opportunites God lays before me and take them and let the Spirit work. I really need more of the Spirit, and more faith. I really really do. And a hug.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. 

James 1

nach Düsseldorf, Deutschland fahren

What an adventure the last 24 hours have been! 30 minutes into my overnight flight, the pilot announces that there will be bad turbulence for the next two hours. The girl sitting right next to me threw up... a lot. As if small spaces weren’t bad enough. We finally landed this morning (I’m 6 hours ahead of you guys) and I found my group. I got in a taxi to head to the host home, where I found a note on the door saying the family had left to go geocaching for the day and to call the neighbor to be let in the house. Guess whose phone doesn’t work? Mine. My taxi driver didn’t speak a word of English, so I asked him in broken German if I could borrow his phone. Eventually I got in so it’s all okay.

And then I decided to go wander the area since I couldn’t get in touch with other people from my group. I hadn’t eaten anything since a small muffin on the plane this morning, and the only place open was an ice cream shop... which didn’t take credit cards. And I couldn’t find an ATM. So now I’m back in my room and still haven’t met the people I’m staying with. This is starting pretty rough. But it’s going to be okay, because God is good, and He is love. And it's when every ounce of your comfort is stripped away that you can see the true sustenance of Christ.

Please be praying I don’t get lost going to class tomorrow! I have to make 3 bus transfers and I don’t even know how frequently buses come.

If you’re reading this, I probably miss you. :)

God of the universe

Preface: There is no such thing as an accident.

A few weeks ago, some friends and I went to spend the weekend at Haley’s house the weekend between Passion and school to do nothing but read the Bible, relax, and eat tons of delicious food. It was one of the best weekends of my life. One night while cooking dinner, we saw out the kitchen window an incredible sunset over Haley’s farm. We went outside and just stared at is as it went down. I remembered how earlier in the day, the sun was really bright and hurt my eyes as I sat on the pool deck reading. After looking at it, I saw spots and my whole face hurt. And now, this same sun was slowly and majestically sinking to the other side of the earth. It was beautifully sad. I didn’t want things to go dark, but I know it would come back so I could see everything by it again. It’s return in the morning was also designed to be as magnificent. I also noticed that as it fell, the moon was rising higher into the sky. Although harder to see, the moon was illuminated by the almost missing sun and reigning over me just as the sun had so powerfully during the day. It too would go eventually.

I thought of how bright Christ is- of how I am such a fickle and unworthy human that whenever I consider myself worthy of staring at Him as an equal, I’m burned, just like when I stare into the sun. I thought about how Christ’s departure was the most beautiful three hours humanity has ever seen, and how we have no greater hope than that which we have in His return. I was reminded that in Christ’s absence, we were given the Holy Spirit. It’s harder to see than an actual man walking on earth, but It’s just as present and just as necessary. Not only is the moon our light when the sun is away, but the moon controls gravity. The gospel is displayed to us in awe-inspiring splendor in a painting in the sky every single day.

Bare with me for another analogy. I actually learned something in Earth and Atmospheric Sciences lecture (I know- it’s crazy) that completely blew my mind. 

The earth was not originally tilted at all when it was created, and therefore it could sustain no life. The moon didn’t even exist until 50-100 million years after the world was created. But approximately 4.5 billion years ago, a Mars-sized object named “Theia” (after a Greek Titan who gave birth to the moon goddess, Selene) collided with the earth. As a result of the impact, the iron core of Theia sunk into and combined with the (then) softer core of the earth. The collision projected a large portion of both Theia’s and the earth’s mantles into space. Part of that lost mass became the moon, and the striking similarities between the cores of the moon and the earth are evidence that they were one until a large impact separated them, further proving the existence of Theia. This collision also tilted the earth 23 degrees, drastically changed its rotation (and therefore the length of days), and shifted the earth’s equator closer to the plane of the moon’s orbit. If Theia hadn’t hit earth, the earth would be left orbiting the sun and spinning on its axis like a chicken roasting with its head and tail alternately aimed at the fire rather than being cooked broadside. One pole to the equator would be in darkness during the solstice while the other half would be extremely hot. The poles would swap lighting conditions at the next solstice. Not to mention that the creation of the moon significantly impacts gravity and ocean tides. It has been said that before Theia, several large collisions of foreign bodies with the earth had happened, but none created objects like the moon or provided the earth the ability to sustain life. Basically, without Theia colliding into the earth 4.5 billion years ago, humans literally could not survive on this planet.

Last time I checked, Jesus Christ had a pretty big impact on the earth, too. Without Him, there is NO LIFE. Apart from Him, we are DEAD! Christ came into the world, leaving with us His blood spilled on the cross- what is now part of our core. Similar to my previous analogy, the moon affects gravity and tides just as the Spirit orbits around us in our daily lives. The Spirit’s core is in us and we in it, proving that we are spiritually one. Christ’s impact shifted our centers to line up with the Spirit; Theia’s impact lined up the equator with the moon. Previous collisions with the earth resemble the sending of the prophets to God’s people in the Old Testament- they were of God but they were not capable of bringing life to humanity and saving it from burning forever by the wrath and fire and power of the sun- the Almighty God- that it so deserved. The gospel was written far before any man could make it up. How can something so intwined with the creation of existence itself be questioned? The gospel has been here since the BEGINNING!

So here’s my question:

Why do we think we are so important?

(Watch this video. You’ve already spent this much time reading and I promise it’s worth it.)

click here

I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else. -C.S. Lewis

The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven. Hebrews 1:3

But for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings. You shall go out leaping like calves from the stall. Malachi 4:2

And God said, “Let there be lights in the expanse of the heavens to separate the day from the night. And let them be for signs and for seasons, and for days and years, and let them be lights in the expanse of the heavens to give light upon the earth.” And it was so. And God made the two great lights—the greater light to rule the day and the lesser light to rule the night—and the stars. And God set them in the expanse of the heavens to give light on the earth, to rule over the day and over the night, and to separate the light from the darkness. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening and there was morning, the fourth day. Genesis 1:14-19

The heavens declare the glory of God, 

   and the sky above proclaims his handiwork. 

Day to day pours out speech, 

   and night to night reveals knowledge. 

There is no speech, nor are there words, 

   whose voice is not heard. 

Their voice goes out through all the earth, 

   and their words to the end of the world. 

In them he has set a tent for the sun, 

   which comes out like a bridegroom leaving his chamber, 

   and, like a strong man, runs its course with joy. 

Its rising is from the end of the heavens, 

   and its circuit to the end of them, 

   and there is nothing hidden from its heat.

Psalm 19:1-6

And he was transfigured before them, and his face shone like the sun, and his clothes became white as light. Matthew 17:2

There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars; for star differs from star in glory. 1 Corinthians 15:41

I charge you in the presence of God, who gives life to all things, and of Christ Jesus... to keep the commandment unstained and free from reproach until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which he will display at the proper time—he who is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone has immortality, who dwells in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see. To him be honor and eternal dominion. Amen. 1 Timothy 6:13-16

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. John 1:1-5

a light in the darkness

As a preface, I have really vivid dreams that I remember pretty much every night. Within the last six months or so, however, I’ve gone through periods of “dark” dreams. What I mean by this is that my dreams are so twisted and scary that I feel like satan is in them. They often play on the death or loss of someone or something that’s close to me, and it’s not like I can control my dreams and make it go away. I’ve gone through periods where it has gotten to the point where I don’t want to go to sleep because of it, and I would wake up in the middle of the night to pray over my dreams. I usually don’t talk about it because I feel like if I talk about darkness, it’s more present in my life.

Last night, though, it was the first time ever that it was different. I’m really just writing this so I can read it and remember God’s awesomeness later.

I woke up several times in the middle of the night tossing around, and each time I fell back asleep I had a different dream. In one of the dreams, everything was grey, and I walked into a creaky, creepy, old, wooden house to visit my mom, who taught in a private school for young girls in the house. I remember feeling desperate to save her. There were really awful animals in cages and tanks around me, watching me walk around. The girls secretly participated in some kind of satanic witchcraft, and they eyed me because they knew I wasn’t like them. It seriously reminded me of a horror movie. In another dream, I went with some people I knew in the dream to eat at a restaurant kinda like Moe’s. As I approached the food line, I realized that the food was cannibalistic. I looked to my left, and there were children dancing and turning into animals like snakes and oxen and bears as they jumped around. 

But in both of these dreams and one or two others I had last night, I knew I didn’t belong. I was afraid, but I wasn’t consumed. In fact, I was less afraid because I realized that I no longer fit into the story I was in. In all of my dark dreams in the past, I’ve woken up bothered, afraid, and often crying. But this morning, I was so joyous! For the first time in my life, I was unafraid of the darkness in my dreams! I knew I didn’t belong! I am a child of God!

Brothers and sisters- the maybe one person who’s reading this- this is just another example of God’s complete providence. If you are a beloved child of God and you believe and feel that God has chosen you to be His by His grace, you have been ultimately saved from the wrath and dominion of satan himself. The enemy has been defeated! 

We do not belong here. I think the reason my dreams just now changed is because I actually became a Christian. I actually have begun understanding the gospel in such a way that I have wept over the existence of sin and pride and shortcomings and had a complete and on fire desire to read the Word. Because of God, my prayer life has quadrupled. It’s like, my favorite thing to do. I’ve come to live like I love Jesus and not just say it. I want to give up my comfort and friends and family and money not because the Bible tells me I have to, but because I want to. My heart has wrapped so immensely around His treasure that the temptations and pain and sinfulness of this world have become trivial and small compared to JESUS! He is so, so good! Nothing else matters! But because of these things- because God has chosen me- I have come to the understanding that the world will hate me if I’m truly living for Him. And I have, for the first time in my life, been living it. If you’re not being persecuted and if you don’t stick out, you’re not doing enough. If the world agrees with everything you say, you are of the world, and not of God. My dreams showed me that I am not of this world. I am not of satan. I am being called to something greater and am finally, finally, realizing what that means and following it. Thank You, God! Thank You for showing me how much I need You and how insufficient I am. Thank You for bringing such joy and excitement to me in following You through the deepest darkness and for allowing me- the least of these- to be a light for You.

“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. Remember what I told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the one who sent me. 

John 15:18-21

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 

Matthew 5:10

“But before all this, they will seize you and persecute you. They will hand you over to synagogues and put you in prison, and you will be brought before kings and governors, and all on account of my name. And so you will bear testimony to me. But make up your mind not to worry beforehand how you will defend yourselves. For I will give you words and wisdom that none of your adversaries will be able to resist or contradict. You will be betrayed even by parents, brothers and sisters, relatives and friends, and they will put some of you to death. Everyone will hate you because of me. But not a hair of your head will perish. Stand firm, and you will win life.

Luke 21:12-19